In my capacity as a motivational speaker and inspirational writer, I’m always doing research on Christian relationships/ As a result, I’m constantly being asked, by single women, how they can find a good Christian man. For that reason, I’ve decided to write a book called “Finding Mr. Righteous”, but that’s not what I want to talk to you about tonight.
I honestly believe, before you can begin your search for Mr. or Ms. Righteous, you need to spend a little time discovering exactly “what it is you bring to the table”. That’s right before you start listing the criteria or requirements for your ideal Mr. or Ms. Right, I suggest you spend a little time figuring out why you make the ideal mate. In other words, why would a man or a woman pick you over all of their available options? And let’s face it ladies, the truth of the matter is men have a greater number of choices than us. I mean thank GOD I’m married, otherwise I could conceivably be competing with my soon to be twenty year old cousin for the same guy or worst with my 57 year old mother.
You get my point. So since Christian women have it the hardest trying to find a mate, I’ll focus most of my talk on the sisters.
In the Bible, the “Table” is often referred to as a place of honor and this is especially true of the KING’s table. Even in the secular world, when people go to a restaurant, banquet or wedding, where they’re seated is very important to them. Wedding and party planners actually toil for months over the seating arrangements, because everyone wants to be seated at the best table, or at least at the table with the least amount of conflict. And heaven forbid you get seated at the kid’s table, although that’s where some of us belong.
So ask yourself what kind of people do you want sitting at your table? If you’re at a business event, you probably want someone seated next to you that you can network with. If you are attending a social event you’d likely want somebody at your table that can make you laugh or provide you with lively and enjoyable conversation. In either case, you don’t want someone that’s boring, offensive, or worst completely silent at your table, let me tell you that makes for a horribly long evening. So as you see, who you allow to sit at your table is pretty important.
When I think about some of the women in the Bible, who got choice positions at prestigious tables, I can’t help but think about what they brought with them.
Since the majority of us here (or reading this) are beautiful black women, I thought I’d focus on two very beautiful black women from the Bible. Women, who had it going on and weren’t afraid to bring their A-games to the table.
Since we all desire to be treated like queens, the first sister that comes to my mind is none other than the Queen of Sheba. Now the Queen of Sheba was not unlike many of you sitting out there. She was a beautiful, young, and financially independent single black woman. Scholars say the Queen of Sheba more than likely came from the region of the world we now know as Ethiopia. A place that today is equated with poverty and starvation. But in her day the Queen of Sheba and the region had it going on. After all, she was an unmarried, virginal queen, in a time when men had all the power. Not to mention all the extravagant gifts she brought to King Solomon’s court, when she paid him a visit. LET ME QUICKLY READ YOU THE ACCOUNTING, as it is detailed in 1 KINGS 10:1 – 10…
When the queen of Sheba heard of the fame of Solomon (fame due to the name of the LORD), she came to test him with hard questions.
She came to Jerusalem with a very great retinue, with camels bearing spices, and very much gold, and precious stones; and when she came to Solomon, she told him all that was on her mind.
Solomon answered all her questions: there was nothing hidden from the king that he could not explain to her.
When the queen of Sheba had observed all the wisdom of Solomon, the house that he had built, the food of his table, the seating of his officials, and the attendance of his servants, their clothing, his valets, and his burnt offerings that he offered at the house of the LORD, there was no more spirit in her.
So she said to the king, 'The report was true that I heard in my own land of you accomplishments and of your wisdom, but I did not believe the reports until I came and my owns had seen it. Not even half had been told me; your wisdom and prosperity far surpass the report that I had heard. Happy are your wives! Happy are these your servants, who continually attend you and hear your wisdom! Blessed be the LORD your God, who has delighted in you and set you on the throne of Israel! Because the LORD loved Israel forever he has made you king to execute justice and righteousness.'
Then she gave the king one hundred twenty talents of gold, a great quantity of spices, and precious stones; never again did spices come in such quantity as that the queen of Sheba gave to King Solomon
Now I didn’t bring up the Queen of Sheba to suggest that you should go out and start buying men you are interested in a whole bunch of expensive gifts. Quite to the contrary, I’m just trying to show you that this single black female of Biblical time had her own money and plenty of it. She was good with her finances and she was not saddled with debts. So she wasn’t looking for a man to pay her bills or to take care of her. She was financially independent.
Now why was the Queen of Sheba bestowing all these lavish gifts on King Solomon? Well, because it was customary to bring gifts when you visited the king’s court. Kind of like how you bring a dish to a potluck dinner or a case of soda to a BBQ. Or perhaps you’ve taken the host a bouquet of flowers, when you visit her home for dinner. You’re supposed to bring something. It’s kind of rude to just show up emptied handed, unless the host expressly says you don’t have to bring anything.
Anyway back to the Queen. It’s important to know why she was visiting King Solomon’s court. She, like many of you, was “Finding Mr. Righteous”, which incidentally is the name of my upcoming book, which should be out later this year. She had heard all these wonderful things about this rich, smart man of GOD. And what was the first thing she said, when she heard the rumors. Well it wasn’t, tell me more. She said I need to find out for myself, if what I am hearing is true. It has been said to death, but it certainly bears repeating – KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. And you have to be able to bring your “know how” to the table. No, this doesn’t mean you have to be a brainy-ac or know-it-all, but you should at least know how to ask the right questions; the hard questions. What’s more you should be able to hold and intelligent, thought-provoking conversation.
The text goes on to say in (1 KING 10:13) that Solomon was so impressed with the Queen of Sheba the he gave her everything she desired and asked for, far surpassing what she had given him.
Legend and other historical accountings go on to say that King Solomon was so enamored by Queen of Sheba that he had something of his planted amongst her belongings, so that he could have her seized and brought back to him. To make a long story short, they got married (of course Solomon had 700 other wives) and had a son they named Menelik, who later became the king and forefather of modern day Ethiopia.
One last thing about the Queen of Sheba, she is mentioned in the New Testament by none other than Jesus Christ. In Matthews 12:42, Jesus refers to her being there on Judgment Day, so the sister was apparently saved. Jesus also commends the Queen of Sheba for going out of her way to seek wisdom. It is estimated 1500 miles from Sheba to Jerusalem. And there were no planes, trains or automobiles back then. Sistah-gurl was traveling by camel.
So to RECAP: the Queen of Sheba brought:
1. Independence –
a. both financially
b. and spiritually (her people worshipped pagan gods), and
2. An unquenchable thirst for knowledge
to the table.
Another young woman in the Bible that brought something of significance to the table and was rewarded handsomely for it was Queen Esther. Are you starting to see a pattern here, my queens? But this young woman did not start off as a queen. As a matter of fact, Esther was not only poor she was a servant. She was also an orphan, who was being raised by her male cousin, Mordecai, in the foreign land of Persia. I mention this only to say that you can be down and out and have a bad start in life, and still manage to bring something worthwhile to the table.
Well Esther was selected to be one of King Xerxes potential wives. But before she could even meet the king, she had to undergo 12 months of beauty treatments. No, Esther was not ugly. To the contrary, the scriptures describe her as lovely in form and features. Nonetheless, she had to first learn how to properly take care of herself.
Let’s face it, men are visual creatures. Now fortunately that doesn’t mean we have to look like Halle Berry… Thank GOD for that, but we do need to put in the time and effort to fix ourselves up. You see sister, when we always leave the house with our hair pulled back with old sweats or tattered jeans on, it sends the message, to the outside word, that we don’t even want to be invited to the table, yet alone expected to bring something to it.
Well thankfully, Esther’s efforts were rewarded because the King ultimately made her his new Queen. Besides realizing the importance of taking care of herself, the other attribute Esther brought to the table was BRAVERY. You simply can’t have a fearful heart and be a contributing member to a marriage, society or church for that matter. In MARK 4:40, Jesus even equates being fearful with having no faith. He says: “WHY ARE YE SO FEARFUL? HOW IS IT THAT YE HAVE NO FAITH?”
Well anyway, Esther’s cousin/dad, Mordecai, got word that there was a plot to kill all of the Jews. Mordecai, who had previously told Esther to hide her race and religious background from the King, to increase her chances of getting picked as the new queen, was now begging her to ask the King to spare the lives of their people. Initially Esther was a little leery of doing this because it was against Persian law to appear before the king without being sent for, a crime that was punishable by death. Despite her fears and trepidations, Esther did what Mordecai asked her to do. She was not afraid, she took a risk.
I think it is so very important to bring a sense of adventure to the table. There are some people out there that are scared to death to try anything new. They won’t eat unfamiliar foods or listen to new forms of music or try anything different for that matter. I know we all have our limits, but I think this type of small-mindedness is very sad. People who fall into this category, in my opinion are limited because they can never grow and reach their true potential. They are in essence, keeping their worlds very, very small. And guess what, GOD wants big things for us.
There is one last thing we can learn from Queen Esther and that is the art of mystery. When she he had his attention Esther didn’t ask the king for a thing. Instead she piqued his curiosity by inviting him to dinner. After the dinner the king again asked her what she wanted. Sweetened the deal, he promised to give her whatever she asked for up to half his kingdom. Again Esther remained aloof and invited the King to yet another dinner. And as busy as he must have been, running the kingdom and all, the king agreed. Now you know, by this time, he was dying to know what she wanted. After all, she had risked her life to see him. You see Esther managed to keep the King interested by infusing a little mystery into their relationship. And that leads me to another trait that I believe should be brought to the relationship table – MYSTIF…
You’ve got to leave a little to the imagination. You don’t have to tell all your business to people as soon as you meet them. For those of you, who may not know how the story of Queen Esther ends, she saves her people by informing the king that his so-called homeboy, Haman, was plotting to kill all the Jews, who she now revealed to be her people. Instead of taking his boy’s word against his wife’s (as we know some men and women do) King Xerxes had Haman hanged on ironically the same gallows Haman had erected for Mordecai’s execution.
So let’s recap, what did these two inspirational women, Queen Sheba and Queen Esther bring to the proverbial table?
v Independence – Both Financially and Spiritually
o Have your own money, and
o Read the Bible for yourself
o And make your own entreaties and prayer requests to GOD
Don’t continue to rely solely on what Momma, Granny, the financial planner or even the pastor says. You’ve got to seek out your own wisdom.
That brings me to my second point. Build up your mental arsenal by:
v Constantly seeking knowledge
o And I’m sorry that means occasionally you are going to have to read something. You could read the Bible, a magazine, a blog, or my favorites – a novel or self-help book.
o I also suggest watching the news and the morning talk shows occasionally. And check out some documentaries, something that is mind stimulating.
o The bottom line is you need to know what’s going on in your society and be able to discuss it.
Thirdly,
v Take care of yourself physically.
o We can’t all be beauty queens or Adonis, but we can learn to make the most of what we have
o And for God’s sake don’t let yourself go
o Our body’s are our temples (1 Corinthians 6:19- 20) and we should take good care of it
§ Eat right, exercise, and get regular medical checkups and an adequate amount of rest
Fourth,
v Don’t live in fear
o Be adventurous
o Be willing to try new things.
o Remember 2 Tim 2:17 says “FOR GOD HAD NOT GIVEN US A SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF POWER AND OF LOVE, AND OF SOUND MIND (KJV)
I’m not suggesting you go jump out of an airplane, because in my opinion that’s not something people in their right minds do, but hey if it appeals to you and its within GOD’s will you should check it out.
Finally,
v Be intriguing, engaging and interesting
o Strive to be someone that people will want at their table
The alternative is being boring and mundane. And like I said in the beginning, who wants that guy or girl seated at their table.
It’s important for me to mention that this list is merely a starting point. We all have unique abilities and different traits that can be brought to the table. The trick is to determine what you have to offer.
So the next time you’re wondering why I can’t find anyone or why I’m so lonely ask yourself, what do I bring to the table? Because you first have to get your house in order, before you can invite company over.
